As soon as Harland stepped through the doorway, he could feel the old man’s glare on him. Uther was truly a grumpy bastard… but the old man was the only mechanic, this side of the sector X531 line, who was still willing to do business with Harland. Due to the fact that Harland had gained a terrible reputation for requesting repairs ahead of schedule, but always paying a little late. He did pay every time though. If not on time, then always right on time, before it was necessary for anyone to bust his kneecaps.
Uther always got the work done, even if he was often a pain in the ass to deal with on a personal level. Mostly due to the frequency of the old man’s lectures, and the intensity of the headaches Harland suffered while being subjected to them. Eh. Uther wasn’t so bad really. In all honesty, he was probably the only person Harland could count on as a friend.
“Listen you cranky old kook… I’ll even pay you in advance this time, but I don’t want to hear it. I’m not here for life lessons. I just need someone to fix… something.” Harland pointed his finger accusingly at Uther.
“Ha! You never pay in advance. Shit, if you’re gonna tell me fairy tales son, you may as well give me a big ‘old glass of warm milk, and tuck me into bed. Fine.”
Uther raised his hands in frustration. “You want to be a dumb fuck who can’t take advice, you’re never gonna live long enough to be the old buck dishing it out. You’re a bad investment for my effort and wisdom anyway… Whatcha got for me?”
Harland hesitated for a moment. The truth was that he didn’t know exactly what he had stumbled across. It could be worth a fortune; it could be worthless.
He tilted his head down, and lowered his voice. “Why don’t you take a look?”
With some effort, he pulled a large, black trunk into the shop. Uther’s bushy eyebrows raised with genuine surprise.
“SHIT boy, you are dumb as asteroids. Get that in here quick!” Uther moved fast for a senior. He was sincerely spooked. The two men got the box fully inside of the doorway. The old man flipped the projection sign on the door to “Closed”, and then pulled down the shades.
Harland had never seen Uther so riled up before. “Are you going to let me in on the secret?”
“That ain’t no secret son. Not to the people who matter. Not to the kinds of dangerous people who would just as soon as vaporize you as they would look at ‘ya. You see those symbols on the top of that box? That’s Earth script for Alpha and Omega. What you got there is a true weapon of mass destruction. First wave, end of days shit! The final countdown. The last hurrah. You get what I’m telling you?”
“It’s some kind of bomb then?”
Uther slapped Harland on the side of the head.
“Don’t you know anything son? What’s in there is worse than a bomb. That’s a woman in there… well, sort of. I mean it’s a robot… but it looks like a woman. She’s probably got a face that’s cute as a button, but don’t let her fool you, she’s a killer. A walking apocalypse of lips, tits, and hips. Fast, merciless, and deadly… on a scale that you can’t even imagine!”
Harland had stopped listening, as soon as he heard the word “woman”. It looked like the locks on the trunk had been already been busted, awhile back. He opened the latches, and flipped the top up. Uther had run over to grab Harland’s arms, to try to stop him, but it was too late.
Both men stared, dumbfounded, into the container. Neither spoke for quite a while…
“She’s a pretty ‘lil thing isn’t she?” Uther swallowed hard.
“How much trouble could one woman really cause?” Harland mused aloud.
Both men cringed at the question. They knew the answer.
“Looks like she’s an exotic model too. Look at those eyes!” The old man changed the subject. “You better stay here until you figure out what you’re gonna do about her… it… that.” He pointed.
Harland couldn’t hear him. He was just staring at the beautiful girl’s still form; her face. Maybe the old man was wrong. Something about the title, “Weapon of Mass Destruction”, really bothered him at a core level.
No. This kind of girl wasn’t meant for mass consumption, at least not if he could help it.
Harland knew that if she was going to destroy anything, he mostly wanted it to be him, and him alone… just as long as he got to spend some quality time with her beforehand. He wanted to be close to her for as long as humanly possible, and he would probably do just about anything to keep her close.
Needless to say, he was doomed from the first moment he laid eyes on her.
- kinksterdrew reblogged this from ordinarywonder
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- bluebell-the-rabbit said: I guess this is the literal version of when I guy says: “Dude, she the BOMB!” You know. From the 90s.
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- illobo said: Please, for all things sacred, take this, turn it into a book, and let me buy it.
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- moaningatmidnight said: Yep, it’s awesome.
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- ordinarywonder posted this