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Want, Need, Have.

Amara listened to an old song on her ipod, and it made her realize no one in the developed world understood love. We heard the word “unrequited”, and it offended our modern, consumer sensibilities. Taught from an early age, that we are incomplete without the things we crave. Whether it was a product that could be bought, a goal that could be set, or even a person who could be wooed… make it yours.

No matter what the price, the cost, or the odds. Make a payment, make a plan, make a play. Be proactive, be aggressive, be assertive.

Because it could be yours, it should be yours, they must be yours. Do it for satisfaction, do it for glory, do it for love. Pay more, do more, be more. You owe it to a beloved brand, to your sense of pride, to yourself. 

But that was the thing. Amara didn’t feel like she owed anyone anything — including herself. There were plenty of consumer products that she wanted, but none that she really needed. She didn’t need anything man-made, not really. Everything that was essential to her survival had already been provided, before she was even born and totally for free… Until people decided to claim, regulate, or package it. 

A goal was just a dream that you made with your ego and a wish that you made with your will. No matter how much you invested, the result was never something that you were entitled to. It always just something you strived towards, worked on, and hoped for. That’s what really made a goal meaningful, because there was no guarantee you’d get anything at the end — very rarely exactly what you expected when you did. If you made everything that important, then nothing was really that important.

Oh and love… the entire point of her posturing. Sometimes we acted like love was the only thing that was gonna make us whole. That when you loved someone, it finally made them a complete person, and as your reward for that good act, that person completed you too. Or even that you sacrificed part of yourself to another person, and they were supposed to offer back part of themselves to you, in equal intensity and measure. 

But the song reminded Amara that’s not how love really worked. Sometimes, it was painfully obvious that the person you were so deeply in love with belonged with someone else. So, instead of troubling them, expecting some kind of recognition or reward for loving them, you loved them silently, and from a safe distance.

Sometimes you go without the things you want, so that you can focus on the things you need, and appreciate the things that you have. 

At least that’s what Amara kept telling herself, reciting it like a mantra through the pain. 

comments

25 notes

  1. lightasaghost reblogged this from aquietjoy and added:
    i really love this, i hope i get to read more about her…
  2. aquietjoy reblogged this from ordinarywonder
  3. bluebell-the-rabbit said: oh gosh, this reminds me of me so much. especially the way you closed it at the end ahhh feeeeelings so manyyy
  4. ordinarywonder posted this
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