I think some of the best writing advice starts with phrases like, “You should never…” or “You should stop [insert thing here]”.

It’s like a challenge.

There’s a deep sense of accomplishment when you learn how to successfully blend elements of contention into your writing — on purpose — and it works

When you finally realize that rules are an important aspect of creative expression, because knowing what you should do gives you the chance to ponder what you could do instead; it gives you the opportunity to prove to yourself that you have the confidence to stand by what you will do. 

But only when you break the rules intentionally.

I don’t know why my brain processes music the way it does in terms of writing. Why does listening to Trick Daddy trigger visuals of kids on playgrounds? Why does Aimee Mann always make me feel like I’m floating in deep space? 

I knew this guy that I would listen to music with. He’d get super high, and I’d just tell him everything I saw in my head that was inspired by the music.

He told me, “You should write stories.”

I said, “I don’t know how to write fiction. But maybe I should record audiostories for potheads.”

And he punched me in the arm.

Sometimes life shits on your heart. 

People will read longer pieces on Tumblr. I’m not going to lie and say that I believe most readers on Tumblr have the time or inclination to read a piece over 1200 words via their dashboard, but I’m also tired of people accusing the Tumblr audience of “never” having the patience for long pieces.

I’ll be honest, even I skip over some of the longer pieces. I can’t speak for everyone, but here’s the number one reason and it has to do with formatting, no matter how good I think the “quality” of the writing is:

Wall of death text

There is a world of difference between formatting for print and formatting for digital consumption. This has to do with eye strain.

Lack of white space can REALLY make your eyes hurt when you’re reading off of a computer screen. 

This is why it’s vital — especially if you’re going to post a longer piece — to break paragraphs down into smaller, easier to read chunks. Big blocks of text begin to blur together after a certain point in reading. 

It’s so distracting that it makes it a struggle to focus any of my attention on the actual writing. 

The same goes for funky experimental formatting: ALL CAPS. All bold. All italics.

The absolute worst is a huge block of text with no punctuation.

True, there are always exceptions, but if you’re trying to coax an audience into reading you (which I’m fairly certain the people who curse because “no one reads” their long work are), at least meet them half way and format for their reading comfort. 

If you choose to format your writing in such a way that it makes reading your work a chore — more power to you — but please be realistic with your expectations about the anticipated response to or projected popularity of the piece.

I love my online persona. Seriously. I like people think I’m a literary ninja or femme fatale who wants to fight or fuck the entire world.

I used to describe my dad a a Woody Allen type, which was perfect until Woody Allen fucked that up for me. I didn’t want to have to add, “except he’s not trying to sleep with me.”

Today is Father’s Day and my father’s birthday. He’s 70 today. As Freudian as this sounds, he will always be the most influential man in my life. He will always be the person who upsets and annoys me the most. He wasn’t a great dad, I have a lot of reasons to resent him, but he’s getting so old and I’d rather spend the rest of the years I have with him in my life beng grateful, not bitter. I love my dad very much.

Did you know there’s a better, more satisfying way to vent your frustration about “bad” writing, that also feeds our writing community in a positive way?

It’s called: Write something better. 

In the time it takes to sulk and then write nasty anon messages, you could be writing something better. 

Hate everything you see on your dash?

Write something better. 

I’ve read several posts over the last few days that have asked: What the hell is a writer’s voice anyway?

Wait, isn’t this just a pretentious phrase people use when they’re trying to sound like they know something about writing? The answer is: well, sometimes. But, I think it’s a valid concept. 

Your writer’s voice is essentially the unique blend of your vocabulary  phrasing, syntax, flow (often manipulated with punctuation and formatting), aesthetics, and style (including themes, motifs, character development, how you push the narrative forward, genre, etc.) All of these elements combine to give your writing a personalized quality to it. it’s not just what you write, it’s how you write. 

Also, on a deeper level, it’s the aspect of your writing that is the essence of you that shines through, no matter what you’re writing about. It’s your point of view (even when you’re filtering it through characters). It’s your signature. 

It’s the reason why a million writers can write about the exact same topics, but we can still create a million variations — no matter how subtle the differences. 

Your voice is what sets you apart. It’s the one purely original thing you can share as a writer.  I think this is why it’s vital to develop. This is not to say you shouldn’t push past your comfort zones, or that you should limit yourself to a certain topic/style. But somehow you have to find a way to make whatever you write “yours”. Otherwise, there’s no reason to go looking for it. There are already tons of other writers who have probably already written about what you were going to write about anyway.

Your voice is what makes the difference. 

Everything has been written before… but not by you. 

- Have an idea

- Spend hours (even days or weeks or months) loitering on the internet, eating snacks, reading comics, writing other things, masturbating, smoking, sleeping…

- Type story in 30 minutes or less.

- Spend the next couple of hours discovering annoying typos… after it’s already been reblogged.

-  Facepalm (repeat this step as necessary.)

A woman tastes like something impossible to accurately describe. 

She’s a complex assortment of delicate seasonings and subtle spices that equally defy and delight your tastebuds to try to identify all of her ingredients. But no matter how hard you try to deconstruct her recipe, she’ll always remain perplexingly undefined. All you can ever really be certain of is that she’ll linger for days — like an insatiable craving — at the corners of your lips and the tip of your tongue. You’ll suck your fingertips in remembrance of her unique essence, but you’ll never be able to extract her from your skin. 

A woman tastes like all of your childish hopes and adult fantasies. Light initially, but heady as she stews. She tastes like all of your unrealized ambitions and unmanifested dreams; a hint of bitterness with explosions of the sweetest of sweet. 

A man tastes like something easy to identify but impossible to reduce.  

He’s a complex mixture of obvious parts and specific components that equally infuriate and entice your senses to try to sniff him out. But if you butchered him down to his pieces and put him back together again, you would never quite be able to reconstruct his special blend. All you can ever really fully grasp is that he’ll cling — like an unbeatable addiction —  to the of passageway of your nose and the roof of your mouth. You’ll lick your palm, in memento of his signature aroma, but you’ll never be able to distill him from your pores.

A man tastes like all of your youthful wishes and mature desires. Mellow at first, but pungent as he simmers. He tastes like all of your unfinished goals and untapped fantasies; a note of sour infused with bursts of savory.

Of course, there are also a million other flavors, between women and men, a variety of fusions, all delicious and all distinct…

There are as many flavors as there are palates. Each one perfectly balanced and satisfying in their own right. 

But… all humans essentially taste measurably different, and yet always the same.